sirsimplysaw.com – one breath at a time

Saw is feeling damn miserable right now

- not because CNY is coming and he is going to be alone  , there will be no stamboat , no red packet , no JUDY i mean judi , no TCSS , no trip to Padang Besar , no this no that … I guess all I can look forward to for this year is CNY is maybe another trip to Stamford Bridge with my Blues boys for a match against Cardiff City in FA Cup 5th round ( suprisingly no more Mu, Arse , Lpool at this stage of competition this year ) holding over-priced and not so appetising hot dog in Matthew Harding stand watching Chelsea eases through the game to compesate for all the things I am not getting this year. Maybe I will finish off the day with a trip to IMAX cinema to watch Avatar in 3D , yea Saw still haven’t watch Avatar yet , the greatest movie of all time until today.

- not because Valentines Day is coming and I am alone all by myself, I mean it is such a norm for Saw to be alone on V Day that  it is like a lifestyle to him , it doesnt trigger any emotions in Saw’s brain anymore knowing that he will be alone during V Day … I think Saw might had a heart attack if one day he doesnt have to spend V Day all by himself , thats how serious V day had become for Saw. So ladies out there please beware , it is better to reject Saw straight away if he ever asked you out on a date on a V Day as you dont want to end up killing Saw at the end of the date when 2 of you had such a great night together just because Saw’s brain and heart cannot handle the fairytale truth thats happening right in front of him.

I know Saw isnt that useful to the society but I think it is still alright to keep him alive for few more years , I mean Saw can provide meals for alot of people and I mean ALOT of people if there is ever war happen in Msia and lack of food from it , in case it happens the best part of me should be my cheek meat. So please enjoy my cheek meat with respect as thats the best part you can ever get from the whole wide world.

- not because my last standing grandma health is deteriorating at an alarming rate , dont get me wrong , I do love and care for her ALOT !!! I mean she is the one thats really take care of me when I was younger after my mum pass away when I was just a 2 years old kid. She is the one that fed me, bath me, gave me love, clean me up after I shit and etc. The bonds between us are very close although at times growing up process do separate us a little.

She is already in her late 80s and her health is getting worst day by day plus her memories are playing with her , she been through alot throughout her life from separating from her oldest son in order to come over to Msia then have to struggle through WWII when food are precious while life are not. My step-mum keep on telling my grandma to hold on and that I will be back in Msia soon, somehow those words gave her strength to live on a little bit longer but somehow I got this feeling that the day I am back in Msia will be the last time I ever see her. Losing my mum at such a young age make me realise that death is inevitable and death are simply part and parcel of life.

the reason Saw is feeling so damn miserable now is because he doesnt like what he saw when he look at the mirror this morning . The reflections he saw on the mirror is not what Saw would please to see , Saw knew deep inside his heart that he can make changes to make whatever he saw on the reflections pleasant to the eyes and something he can be proud of which is not the case at the moment.

Can Saw turn this feeling into strength to make changes ? or will the feelings overcome Saw completely and turn him into an useless piece of crap ? Only times will tell and hopefully Saw will triumph at the end of the day.