Que Sera Sera, Saw
Have you ever heard of the song ‘Que Sera Sera’ ? Is a very smooth and catchy song … The lyrics of the song goes like this ;
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here’s what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here’s what my sweetheart said.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
As Valentine’s day is approaching somehow the conversations on relationship seems to pop up here and there quite often. After a few conversation with a couple of my close friends, not so close friends and even with my colleagues/manager I come to realisation that for some reason I am quite afraid to fall in love or involve in a real relationship.
I am not very sure of the reason , maybe because of all the not so pleasant pre-relationship experience. YES the courting and flirting process. Somehow I failed miserably in all those sweet talking , eye contact , body language , signal or whatever that make the whole thing collapse. At times I don’t even know what I did wrongly , is like the chinese saying ‘die also don’t know the reason’ .
Fool me once , shame on you ;
Fool me twice , shame on me ;
Fool me thrice , better go and die.
Well after so many unsuccessful attempts it make me think that perhaps I am the problem here and not the girl or woman I am going after. So what did I do wrong ? Am I being pessimistic ? Am I being choosy ? Am I being unrealistic ? Am I being predictable ? Am I being boring ? or is it like what all my goody good friends always console me with “Your fate is not here yet , when time is right you want to run also cannot run”. Thats very kind of them in order to make me feel better.
After a few discussion this couple of days , I think I sort of have the idea what’s the main reason of my failure. I believe the right term to use is ” FEAR ” . Somehow I am afraid to get involve in a relationship after looking at all the couples around me. Being a late bloomers who doesn’t get into any relationship yet I manage to ’share’ on my friends experience and also those people around me. Unfortunately most of the time they only share the UNFORTUNATE moments with me such as ;
- How their partner lie and betray them
- How they are financially drained in every way possible
- How they quarrel over EVERYTHING
- How they doesn’t have any privacy
- How their life is in such a mess
Of course there are alot of sweet moments and very intimate feelings between them and their partner but somehow those things just slip through their mind when they share their experiences with me. I don’t blame them for not telling me those thing because is really just between both of them, their moments and NOT my. I think I will feel akward if they start going into details about their relationship and stuff.
So after all this years all those -ve thoughts keep on accumulating inside me little by little without me noticing and everytime I would like to get involve into a relationship all those thoughts run through my head faster than the speed of light. After taking a few moments to think about it, by that time those -ve thoughts already went around the world a few rounds as I take a step back and just drop the whole idea to get involve in a relationship.
I guess my situation right now is sort of like a white man trying to eat durian , after hear about it , look at it and smell it . I just drop the whole idea of tasting the durian as all I heard, saw and smell so far are bad stuff but what I don’t know is that it taste so damn good if I just give it a bite or should I say give it a try.
Hmm perhaps I should learn from that song and just give it a try and whatever will be , will be .